- a l lÂ t h a tÂ i ' v eÂ l o s t -

Saturday, May 28, 2005

To love is to risk not being loved in return.
But risks must be taken, because the greatest risk in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.
And becomes nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn & feel &amp; change & grow & love & live.
Chained by things that are certain, he is a slave.
He has forfeited his freedom.
Only the person who risks is truely free...
-Civics lesson-

I don't risk, i know i won't be loved in return.
To me it seems love is the greatest risk itself.
I risked and i have become nothing.
I am now suffering in sorrow, i've learnt that she'll never feel what i feel for her, i've given up on changing, my growth has stopped, my love is one sided...and so i've died.
The only thing that is certain is that i'll never be loved in return, i am my own master.
I am imprisoned by love.
I've risked and so have lost my freedom...
-jlth-

To love is not to give but to sacrifice, to love is not to take but to appreciate.
Why won't you appreciate what i am willing to sacrifice for you?

Justin fell in love 5/28/2005 10:27:00 PM

Thursday, May 26, 2005

This time, i've hit rock bottom... it feels like the end of the world has cometh... Never have i felt so bad before.
Apparently she has discover part of a twisted past i had and given judgement... According to rather reliable sources i stand absolutely no chance watsoever...
Is seems that if i were to try it would be failure bound... but i have resolved to give everything i got cause she's not the same, i dont understand myself any more... i know that putting my all would only scare her away and i would be shunned and looked down upon... Giving up is no option as i know that there can be no other, some how i get the feeling that she's the one...no doubt about it, she'll change my life...
Her acceptance will revive me rejection shall leave me with a scar so bad i shall carry it with me for the rest of my life... However i am sure that acceptance will not come...as the judgement has been passed...all i ask for would be pardon and hopefully realisation for who i truely am which would open up into acceptance...

Nuff said... just give me a chance...

Justin fell in love 5/26/2005 05:43:00 PM

Friday, May 20, 2005

Ok changed the theme song from sadness and sorrow to grief and sorrow... just lost the carrom competition due to some freak of nature to some shit-ass... args... feelin damn pissed now. Just remembered i got a compre to complete think i'll do it tomorrow.
Got 13.5 for ecology test really unsatisfied...now praying gwee does'nt do as well hahaha! HAd an outburst yesterday little table incident...wont bother mentionin it... think its cos of the imense pain and distress building up inside me due to the one person... haizz...

Wat can i do to break through that shell of hers... to reach her heart... and yet not mess up everything... holding on to it is meaningless if nothin can be done to it... no one can help me... nothing can save me... only her acceptence will give me salvage... will that time ever come? its utter torture... words only serve to make my problem more defined... why must love be so painful?...it has always been...

Justin fell in love 5/20/2005 10:51:00 PM

Saturday, May 14, 2005

My first blog @ the age of 18... the day went smoothly but i felt rather plain... like a certain emptiness was present... a cavity that could only be patched back by one... Mum spent a great deal of her time in preparing the food and stuff cant thank her enough for that... I spent most of the time moving stuff from the house to the function room haha... Bought Barcardi this afternoon quite an interesting event... Got a nice shirt from the track gals =) really like it... Kevin turned up in the end and jammed the time away haha...the Ole comp screwed up carrom comp screwed up too, just as i expected...
Feeling damn tired now cant type longer gonna turn in...

I can find a thousand and one reasons to love her...but she can find a thousand and one reasons to reject me...

Justin fell in love 5/14/2005 10:56:00 PM

Thursday, May 12, 2005

So it will be that i spend 18 years of my life as a bachelor... tomorrow will be Seoul Garden dinner, den dad will be back from down under... Kinda screwed up today's SPA could'nt understand the units that was given so calculations most likely cannot get level 8 already. Had a foot long tuna sub for lunch was superb... but tomorrow no money to eat le haha... waiting for bleach 31 to finish downloading @ the mo... think sth's wrong with Lunar, could'nt do the direct download...so using flash now.

On the slightly brighter side, she's apparently not angry with me or anything yah just don really understand wat's goin on in her mind though...

I can find a thousand and one reasons to love her...but she can find a thousand and one reasons to reject me...

Justin fell in love 5/12/2005 10:17:00 PM

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Been sad since yesterday could'nt be bothered to post... She just pulled out from my party for one reason or another which i do not know... Bio SPA 2 days later... Could'nt catch up with Maths and Chem tutorials... wtf is my life coming to...

I can find a thousand and one reasons to love her...but she can find a thousand and one reasons to reject me...

Justin fell in love 5/10/2005 10:51:00 PM

Sunday, May 08, 2005

At this moment in time, the song "In the end" by linkin park seems to fit the best... I tried so hard and got so far but in the end it looks like its not going to matter...once more... why do i always seem to fail... what have i done wrong? I'll never learn it seems...
Had a nice time @ dragon boat practice for track just now... den had mother's day dinner @ circuit road as pizza hut could'nt cope with orders.
Was kinda shown the "stop" sign just now if u know wat i mean... shows i've been too assertive... wat's the problem with me...am writing this with a very troubled heart... tomorrow's chem SPA supposed to be studying yet am spilling out my nonsense here...

I can find a thousand and one reasons to love her...but she can find a thousand and one reasons to reject me...

Justin fell in love 5/08/2005 10:03:00 PM

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Yesterday's sports meet was a disappointment, din get anything for 4x1, din get anything for 12x1, got trashed in 4x4, high jump got a useless 4th...haizz... s06 did real well though taking home many of the relay trophys =) happy fer them. I got my little cup for Javelin as a consolation haha looked pathetic beside my fellow team mates who got at least 2 per person.
Song fest was wonderful though. Had subway fr lunch, went home got changed and met "the gang" @ TM at bout 430 pm. Walked in rather late for songfest and couldnt find proper seats, most of the girls ended up sitting on the floor...how poor thing, i think they din really enjoy the show especially Genever... haizz... Jeremy was enjoyin himself utterly(but ofcourse:p). I personally thought Ephyra brought the house down, @ the expense of the teachers being horrified by the screamo and table jumpers(literally). I tot the table jumpers were rather extra was really waitin to see wat would happen if one of the jumps failed and they landed on theit heads =P...
Today, just finished lunch and Bionomial Distribution think i'll go down to PS for a movie and see if i could find mum anything for mother's day.

If a true friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out, then how would one know when to walk in?

Justin fell in love 5/07/2005 03:15:00 PM

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Ahhh.... So nice everything fell nicely into place today, had a shock of my life though @ TTSH. I accidently walked into this "NO Visitors" ward. Upon entering i saw this biohazard bag by the side of the patient's bed then the Nurse was wearing a mask i was like wah!!! Jia lut..spinned around for the door to my horror that i needed a card to reopen it from this side... Den the nurse came out (was a male nurse btw) and look @ me so i asked: "erm how do we get out of here"...he den directed me out... I was holding my breath the whole time... hope nothing happens...

Well...looks like tomorrow's gonna be the big race. I'll be claiming my trophy... And...hehe looking forward to a wonderful evening @ songfest.

If a true friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out, then how would one know when to walk in?

Justin fell in love 5/05/2005 09:41:00 PM

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Gonna do it in point form today feeling super lazy...dunno why also...
-Qualified for 4x1 and 4x4...YAY!!!... also means i got 4 events this friday... darn...
-got 12/20 for bio apparently that's the top in my half of the bio class which also means its the 1st time this year that i am actually topping my class in something acedemic... how sad
-had my first day @ TTSH officially CIP starts...

that's it gotta go mug.

If a true friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out, then how would one know when to walk in?

Justin fell in love 5/03/2005 10:13:00 PM

Monday, May 02, 2005

Uneventful day it is again... Woke up to an awful sms reply... Wont go on about it. Tried to do some maths ended up could'nt even solve one qn properly. Anyways "ressurected" is up the video dat i did before giving up magic for the year... Gonna make this a short one cause got Normal Distribution to do... so ending here...

If a true friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out, then how would one know when to walk in?

Justin fell in love 5/02/2005 10:19:00 PM

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Had a splendid day today, slacked my butt off woke up bout 10am... den watched some WWE... den bout 1200 had lunch n set off for the SMC meeting le. Din manage to do any performance but there was this guy who did this wierd act of contortioning think he calls himself "multitalent" :p...
At about 1529, daniel massaged me telling me i was late wahaha.... den i rushed all the way down to kallang for the dragon boat, the boating was not interesting but wat came after that was wat mattered most to me muahahaha... Beef Keow Teow!!! And Tao Hueh!!! muahahaha was delicious... But some how hui ting sorta got pissed of for some reason or another... if i am not mistaken its sth bout us taking a path that's filled with hookers :p... haizz how troublesome..(like shikamaru would say)
Enough bout that...haha sth real great happened from 2220-2235...hehe wont elaborate just gonna place a note for my own rememberance--phone call. Den guess dat'll be all fer today hehe tomorrow's a nice monday no monday blues this week.

If a true friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out, then how would one know when to walk in?

Justin fell in love 5/01/2005 11:08:00 PM